We last time saw the problem of infidelity or fornication. Here
are suggestions on the way out. The best way to protect your spouse and
yourself from infidelity is to have an affair with him or her. Reverse the
process from last week’s article and be theirs for a lifetime.
ONE – Just Do It
1 Cor 7:2-5 “ Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality,
let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the
affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own
body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority
over his own body, but the wife does. Do
not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does
not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Sounds crazy to start here
but marriage is not the place for sexual boredom and lack of fulfillment . . .
that’s the devil trying to trick us into making one of God’s greatest gifts to
us joyless and duty laden. The downside to sexual contact is pretty high
outside of marriage. Here are just a few of the reasons to avoid sex outside of
marriage:
1. It’s
strong medicine that can blind us to a person’s true character.
2. It can
isolate us from others at crucial stages in life.
3. Did
anyone say sexually transmitted disease will be avoided
4. Baby is a gift but sexual intimacy
with your spouse is the only way to have one.
5.
Abortion or killing an unborn child will be avoided.
6. Guilt
of fornication will not be an issue
7. Sin
will be taken over by holiness.
8.
Depression will be history.
9.
Statistically, we have a higher chance of divorce when avoiding sex
10. We train our heart against
unfaithfulness in marriage.
11. Who wants to remember being with
someone else once they tie the knot?
12. Helps
ability to focus on how God wants to use you to change the world.
Inside of a lifelong marriage commitment sexual intimacy is
almost all positive. It is sacred,
beautiful, bonds two people together, and if a child is born that child is born
into a home with a mother and father to provide for it. Contrary to popular
belief, God is totally cool with it. In fact, he created it! 1 Corinthians 7:3
says, “3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife
should fulfill her husband’s needs.” God created sex for pleasure, for bonding
- and for babies. What better way to experience all those things than being
with someone you totally have confidence in and are deeply committed to for
life.
TWO – Make The Choice
to Trust God With Your Marriage not man
One of the things that people begin to think when they
commit adultery is that they married the wrong person and that a good and
gracious God brought this new person into their life to save them from their
mistake. Yeah, I know, it’s a little crazy. We do and think lot’s of crazy
thing. Here is a better plan: Trust that God meant what is written in the law
of Christ that Adultery is a sin . Have you ever thought about this: If God is good and gracious enough to bring a
new person into your life isn’t he good and gracious enough to reconcile and
repair the relationship you have with your spouse? Trust God with your
marriage.
THREE – Be Honest
With Your Spouse
If though man likes hiding his failures but one of the best
way to avoid problem is to make your weakness known. Don’t keep secrets. If you
spend time with someone of the opposite sex let your spouse know. If you think
someone is attracted to you then share that with your spouse. Don’t make
excuses to be with the other person. Don’t tell your spouse you had an extra
good workout at the gym when the truth is you had a 25 minute conversation with
Susie. Don’t let your spouse believe that you had lunch with all of your
co-workers when it was just you and Steve at club Tuesday’s earlier in the day.
Be honest with your spouse and form a hedge of protection around your marriage.
FOUR – Compare to
Build Up
When someone cheats they often compare the best of the other
person to the worst of their spouse. Instead of comparing your spouse to others
to tear your spouse down choose to compare build up. 2 Cor. 10:12 “
For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend
themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing
themselves among themselves, are not wise.” What is your spouse good at? What are they
talented at? What is it about them that caught your attention to begin
with? If your spouse comes home from
work smelling bad then think about how proud you are that they work hard
instead of just how stinky they are . . . then ask them gently to jump in the
shower before dinner.
FIVE – Flirt, Date,
Surprise
Flirt with him! Just because you are married does not mean
that you stop flirting. Embrace her
unexpectedly. Sneak a kiss in the kitchen. Hold hands. Open the door. Write
notes. Date! Don’t play the part of the poor hero who says, “I’ve never been
anywhere without my kids for 10 years.” No! That’s not healthy. The best thing
you can do for your kids is to date your spouse. They will feel secure because
they will know that mom and dad are still in love. Surprise! Instead of
sneaking off with someone else for a private encounter why don’t you surprise
your spouse one day at work and sneak them away for a little time together. You
can even rent a hotel room if you want. It’s all good.
SIX – Share Life
Lean on each other emotionally. Support each other. Listen.
Share. Give advice. Support. Care.
Encourage. Lift up. Don’t set your spouse up to look for emotional support from
anyone else. Be there for them. Ladies, go the Bass Pro Shop with him. Guys, go
to the show sale at Theater with her. Don’t go because you love guns or you
love shoes. Go because you love him or you love her. Choose to spend time
together. Find similar interests. Enjoy life together.
SEVEN – Convince
Yourself It Can Happen and Stay On Guard.
Read this experience and learn to be on guard. As a young
married man with three kids at home I was finishing my Master of Divinity
degree with an intense J-term (four weeks of intensive study to get a single
semester long class in). Daily class time was about 4-5 hours and then there
would be 4-6 hours of homework, reading, and projects in the evening. I was
eight hours from home and all by myself. I befriended a few people in my class.
Several of them were single men and women. We would study, laugh, joke, eat,
and discuss life together. Over the
course of the four week’s we got to know each other pretty well. There was one
particular woman I was attracted to.
Without knowing, it I began to look forward to seeing her. I would think
of her when I went to the library. I found myself hoping she would be in the cafeteria
at meal times. She was fun, smart, pretty and called by God to full time
ministry. We were two ministers being
trained to work in full time Christian ministry. Of course nothing would
happen, right? On my last night on campus before finals the next day I thought
that I would go up to the library just to “say goodbye to a few friends I had
met.” As I approached the library I could see her studying through the window.
At that moment I made a crucial decision. I turned and walked away. I realized
that I didn’t go to the library to see friends, but to see her. Our
relationship was innocent and friendly, but now I was seeking her out at 10
p.m. at night. Even if I had pushed, I doubt she would have let things become
inappropriate, but it was better to be safe. It was better to walk away and risk
offending a friend I had only known for a couple of weeks than risk damaging
the relationship of a lifetime. I left that J-tern without saying goodbye to
the woman whose name I can’t remember, but whom I’ll never forget. Fifteen
years later I have no clue where she is or what she is doing . . . and that’s a
good thing. Remember David in the Bible.
FINALLY
Remember these words often:
In the
name of God,
I take
you, to be my wife,
to have
and to hold
from this
day forward,
for better, for worse,
for
richer, for poorer,
in
sickness and in health,
to love
and to cherish,
until we
are parted by death.
This is my
solemn vow.
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