Making the Right Choice In Marriage.

Biblical counsel teaches us that finding a marriage partner takes spiritual sensitivity, maturity, and preparation—including preparing ourselves to be the right spouse.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has counseled that marriage “will be the most important decision of your life. … Marry the right person in the right place at the right time.” ¹ But who is the right person? Where is the right place? When is the right time?

Fortunately, President Hinckley and other Church leaders have given us inspired counsel concerning these questions. Moreover, some 60 years of research confirms the wisdom of their counsel. 

The Right Place

The right place is, of course, the church of God. “There is no substitute for marrying in the church,” counsels President Hinckley. “It is the only place under the heavens where marriage can be solemnized for eternity and godly relationship built. Don’t cheat yourself. Don’t cheat your companion. Don’t shortchange your lives.” 

How To Find The Right Person?

We sometimes are given false expectations by movies especially in Nollywood, plays, and fiction based on the idea that there is a “one-and-only” somewhere out there whom we are intended to marry. This would mean that finding a mate is simply a matter of waiting to lock eyes with the right someone “across a crowded room,” as the song in South Pacific says,  heading off hand in hand to the closest temple and then living happily ever after. No matter how romantic this idea is, it is not supported by Biblical Principle. President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) taught: “‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.” 

The Right Person

Many of us have the mote and beam problem (see Matt. 7:3–5)—that is, we can easily see the faults of others, but not our own. So before we start holding others up to scrutiny to see if they are worthy of us, maybe we ought to work first on becoming a “right person” for someone else. Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles offered this counsel: “If the choice is between reforming other Church members [including fiancés, spouses, and children] or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others—not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings.” Therefore, when we focus on finding the right person, we should also focus on becoming the right person for someone else. The strengths we bring to a marriage will undoubtedly contribute to the success of the marriage.

The first quality many young people look for in a potential spouse is someone with whom they can “fall in love,” which often means someone for whom they feel a strong physical attraction. Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–1985) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist.” But he went on to add, “It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make.” 

Being “in love” and attracted to a person is a good start, but clearly not enough. President Gordon B. Hinckley and Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have suggested several other factors we should keep in mind.

“Choose a companion of your own faith. You are much more likely to be happy,” said President Hinckley. “Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty.” 

Elder Scott suggested several attributes of a potential spouse that will contribute to happiness in marriage: “a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.” More to Come.  http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/09/choosing-and-being-the-right-spouse?lang=eng