BUILDING A GODLY HOME (Turning Houses To Homes)

2012: Better parenting; better Nigeria

We were crawling along at snail’s speed in this terrible  traffic build-up when a group of  hoodlums, weaving in and out between the lanes, tried to frighten motorists into pulling aside with cries of ‘flat tyre’ ‘smoke from your bonnet’ ‘your moto don catch fire’ etc.

No-one took the bait and stopped.  Instead we wound up our windows and prayed that the traffic would move faster before darkness set in and nasty things would begin to happen to motorists and other commuters on that road.  We thought we had escaped one group, but a second one suddenly surfaced, with one of the hoodlums banging on the roof our vehicle to attract our attention, before moving on.  There were five of them.  Four of them looked in their early twenties, but the fifth looked middle-aged.  In fact, he looked like a  father among the others.

“What’s this?  Did you see the Baba among those boys?” asked one of the ladies in the vehicle with us.
“Yes, I did.  I was wondering what he was doing there.  He should know better than go about, trying to extort money from commuters.”

“Isn’t that disgraceful of an old man like him?  At his age, he should be cleaning up his act and repenting of  his sins before his exit.  Instead he’s piling on more.”

“Excuse me, driver, please stop,” said another lady in the vehicle.  “I want to get down and talk to that old man.  I want to tell him that mature people of our ethnic group don’t lower themselves into behaving like an area boy.  Stop please, driver.”

“Madam, I can’t stop o!  I don’t advise you talk to such people, ma.  They may be carrying knives.  Who knows, they may even be high on something and are ready to attack anyone who challenges them,” observed the driver.  “Just leave them alone.” The rest of us supported the driver’s view, and reluctantly, the lady agreed not to pursue the matter.

“But how did such an old man end up among hoodlums?” asked someone.  “What went wrong? He couldn’t have started out in life like that.   Isn’t he ashamed to be seen in such a company at his age?”

“By the way, what becomes of area boys when they’re no longer young?” I asked.  The driver supplied the answer.

“Madam, they supervise the younger ones.  You see them sitting around in sheds or under the trees, watching  while the younger ones are extorting money from people.  They’re everywhere.  Maybe that old man has no boys to supervise, and that’s why he’s taking part in this operation.”

We discussed this a bit, and wondered what sort of upbringing and parenting the old man must have had, and what he’s passing on to his own children.

One of the toughest jobs on earth is parenting.  In our culture, being a parent is even more important than being a spouse.  Having children is so important to us that some marriages break up when there are no children.

Not so long ago, when the man was the main provider in the family, his relatives could go throw out his wife for failing to produce children.  They felt then that it was a disgrace if a man didn’t have children, and they wouldn’t want their son/brother’s time wasted on an ‘unfruitful’ wife.

We may dispute this, but many people here, particularly the first-timers,  marry mainly because they want to have children and become parents.  It’s only when we find ourselves single in later years, when we’ve had children, that we may think of marrying for companionship.

Much as we love to have children, good parenting has become quite a problem.  After satisfying societal demand of  producing children, some parents shirk their responsibility towards their wards as they come overwhelmed by the time, efforts, money and emotional support that it takes to raise them into well-adjusted citizens.

Some feel that their responsibility ends with providing material things for the child, and they take very lightly the issue of raising children to be courteous, clean,  have good morals, a sense of responsibility, good character, and the ability to make the right choices.  Some expect a child to develop all these  on his own.  No-one is born with a good/bad character.

We acquire it here on earth as we observe and emulate other human beings around us.  With many parents no longer making it a point to watch closely their children’s behaviour, these ones turn to their mates for direction, with all the attendant danger.

Sometimes, this may not be entirely due to lack of parental guidance, but  the need  to fit in with their mates.  We know how important it is for us as young people to fit in with our age groups.

Thus you find a child from a seemingly strict, respected and responsible background acquiring bad habits and morals.  They go to places they know are wrong for them to go to: they lie, they’re rude and insolent, they cheat, steal, experiment with drugs/sex and play truant.  Sometimes, they don’t even have to go far to acquire these habits, as  house-helps, neighbours, friends, and even family  members lead the child astray behind the backs of his parents.

No parent can boast of having a child who’s perfect in all areas of life, but if you make it a point to be   heavily involved in your child’s life right from babyhood, helping to mould his character by guiding him to do the right thing; correcting bad behaviour firmly but with love and explanation, praising/rewarding  good behaviour; and generally showing him that you’re there for him, you could win his confidence which could make you his confidant.

This is easier said than done, as most young persons could be rather secretive about the goings-on in their lives and despite the attention they get from the home, may feel more comfortable confiding in other people – house-helps, friends, neighbours, etc.   Confiding in a responsible teacher is not that bad since teachers are meant to regard their pupils as their wards.

That’s why it’s good for both the home and the school to liaise closely to honestly monitor the child’s movement and guide him.  We shouldn’t rely on school reports brought home to us, but should attend Open day and other school activities to talk to the teachers.  Mobile phones have made communication much easier, so, we should take advantage of this and get in touch with our wards’ teachers on a regular basis, to politely find out how they doing at school.

For some parents, intense monitoring and guiding of their children is added stress to  an already over-stressed life that we experience in this country, and they fear for their own health.

Parents have my sympathy, but if we want a better society to live in and leave for our descendants, we should not only monitor our children closely and guide them well, we should show good examples for them to emulate.  Bad parenting is the remote reason for most of the ills in societies all over the world, as young people are left to their own devices, and they spiral out of control, endangering lives and property.

When all adults in our culture acted as parents to the  young people around them, correcting  any perceived misbehavior, we had a more orderly society.  Sadly, this is fading fast, as we copy the western world where in the name of political correctness and freedom, young people cannot be  corrected without falling foul of the law.  We must not allow that here.

As we celebrate the first day of 2011, let’s resolve to embrace better parenting, and encourage values which will make our country safer and more pleasant to live in.
A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL READERS OF THIS COLUMN!

Culled from: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2012/01/2012-better-parenting-better-nigeria